You Make Me Feel So Dead Read online

  ‘Elvis?’ Penny asked.

  ‘Jerry will tell you on the way home,’ I said. ‘Go ahead, go.’

  ‘Eddie …’

  ‘Shoo!’

  She pointed her finger at me and said, ‘Call me!’

  ‘I will.’

  Jerry ushered her out of the building.

  With Penny taken care of all I had to do was wait there for Danny’s lawyer, who I had met only once or twice before, in passing, but who I would know on sight.

  Jerry was right, though. I did have to deal with the Elvis thing. I still hadn’t made a reservation, and I had to pick out a show to take them all to. But all of that depended on me – and Danny – getting out of the police station at a reasonable time.

  I went across the street to a diner to get some coffee, then sat down on a bench in the lobby to wait for the lawyer.

  I was starting to think I should call Elvis and make some excuse when the double doors opened and the lawyer came in. He must have gotten out of court early because it was only four p.m. He had a leather briefcase tucked beneath one arm.

  ‘Mr Kaminsky?’

  He looked at me, squinting as if he recognized me but couldn’t place me. But he was hard to forget. Aaron Kaminsky was all of five foot four, about forty-five, wearing a blue suit that was several years old and several weeks past needing a cleaning. But Danny trusted him, said he was a great lawyer.

  ‘Eddie Gianelli,’ I said. ‘Danny’s friend from—’

  ‘Sure, Eddie G.,’ he said, triumphantly. ‘Of course Kaminsky knows you. You wanna fill me in before I go inside? I don’t want any surprises. Kaminsky hates surprises like I hate schmaltz.’

  The thing I always notice about Aaron Kaminsky is that there’s no telling when he will start referring to himself in the third person. It just makes him that much more of a character.

  ‘That’s what I’m here for.’

  I gave him the rundown on everything I knew, holding nothing back.

  ‘Is that it?’ he asked. ‘All of it?’

  ‘All I know,’ I assured him.

  ‘OK,’ he said, ‘you’re Danny’s oldest friend, and you’ve got this whole town wired. So tell me what you think.’

  ‘I think somebody killed Reynolds, and Hargrove is trying to pin it on Danny,’ I said. ‘He already tried to pin it on Jerry.’ Identifying Jerry had been part of my original story, so he nodded.

  ‘But Penny did have a relationship with this nudnik, right?’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘Years ago.’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘And she has a sheet from back then.’

  ‘Right again.’

  ‘OK, Bubula,’ he said, ‘I got it. Lemme go get our friend out of the clink. You gonna wait here?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Good.’ He patted me on the arm. ‘Don’t worry. Kaminsky won’t leave here without Danny.’

  ‘Me, neither.’

  So we bonded and then he was taken into the back to work his magic …

  The next time I saw Kaminsky the lawyer was twenty-five minutes later, when he came walking out with Danny in tow. If possible, Kaminsky looked even more disheveled than Danny did.

  ‘Hey, pal,’ I said, giving Danny a hug. He smelled funky. ‘You smell like the joint.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He turned to Kaminsky and hugged him. ‘Thanks, Kaminsky.’

  ‘Don’t leave town, Bubula, or Kaminsky’s ass is in a sling, eh?’ He pointed his finger at Danny, then slapped him lightly on the cheek.

  ‘You got it.’

  Kaminsky left.

  ‘He must be as good as you say,’ I commented.

  ‘He’s the best. Come on, let’s get out of here,’ Danny said.

  ‘Do you want me to call Jerry to come and get us?’ I asked.

  ‘Is he with Penny?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Nah, just leave him there,’ Danny said. ‘Let’s get a cab.’

  ‘OK.’

  We left the station, caught a cab right out front that was letting off a weeping woman.

  ‘Broad got robbed,’ the driver said. ‘Been snivelin’ ever since. Where to, boys?’

  ‘You’re all heart,’ Danny said, as we got into the back seat.

  ‘Hey, when you’ve dropped off as many cryin’ broads here as I have, you get like that, ya know?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Danny said, ‘I know.’ He gave the driver Penny’s address, and off we went.

  THIRTY-ONE

  When Danny and I got to Penny’s place she hugged him, and then made the same pronouncement I did.

  ‘You stink,’ she said. ‘Take a shower.’

  ‘Yes, ma’am.’ He looked at us. ‘You gonna be here when I get out?’

  ‘We’ve got something to do,’ I said.

  ‘Eddie has to go to dinner with Elvis Presley,’ Penny said.

  ‘Really? Elvis?’ Danny said, raising his eyebrows. ‘Wasn’t I supposed to be in on that?’

  ‘Well, yeah,’ I said, ‘before you got arrested for murder.’

  ‘Yeah, but now I’m out.’

  ‘You’re not going anywhere, Danny Bardini,’ Penny said, firmly. ‘We still have some talking to do.’

  ‘And so do we,’ I said, ‘but we’ll have to do ours tomorrow.’

  ‘You go and enjoy your dinner, Eddie,’ Penny told me. ‘Don’t worry about us.’

  ‘I am worried,’ I said, ‘and I’ll be back tomorrow. Whatever plan you come up with to deal with this thing, I want to be in on it.’

  ‘OK,’ Danny said, ‘I want to thank both you guys for your help.’

  ‘Don’t mention it,’ Jerry said.

  ‘And don’t hug me again,’ I said, ‘not until you take that shower.’

  ‘I’m goin’, I’m goin’.’

  He disappeared into the bathroom, and Penny walked us to the door, sending us both off with a kiss on the cheek. Jerry blushed. I didn’t.

  We drove back to the Sands, where I found a phone and hurriedly made plans for an evening of fun and games with Elvis and the Memphis Mafia …

  Like we planned, we took Elvis and his entourage to the Bootlegger, an Italian restaurant off the strip that Frank Sinatra had actually introduced me to. Aside from me, Jerry and Elvis there were Red and Sonny West, Billy Smith, Lamar Fike, Marty Lacker. Oh, and Ann-Margret. We were given a table for ten and were taken very good care of …

  We ate family style, platters of food all over the table. Elvis ordered most of what was on the menu, so we started with salad and antipasto, then there were pasta, meatballs, chicken, prime rib, and veal dishes.

  I sat on Elvis’ right, Ann-Margret on his left. For some reason, he spent most of his time talking to me. Jerry sat to Ann-Margret’s left, and she talked to him all night. He was in heaven. I knew that because every so often he threw a look my way and I could see it in his eyes.

  ‘What else have you got planned for tonight?’ Elvis asked me halfway through the meal.

  ‘I’ve got tickets for a show at the Stardust … the Lido De Paris.’

  ‘Not a singer, I hope,’ Elvis said.

  ‘No,’ I said, ‘showgirls.’

  ‘Good,’ he said, ‘the guys’ll like that.’

  ‘And you?’

  ‘I’m gonna go back to the hotel while the boys go to the show. Then they’ll wanna do some gambling.’

  ‘And what will you do?’

  ‘Watch some TV,’ he said, ‘order room service, plan my set lists.’

  ‘And what’s Ann going to do?’ I asked.

  ‘She’s gonna go back to her hotel,’ he said. ‘She needs her beauty sleep.’

  ‘So you’re going to your room … alone?’

  ‘Unless you wanna come and hang out,’ he said. ‘I checked the listings. There’s some good westerns on tonight.’

  If I let him go to his room alone, there was no telling what kind of trouble he could get into. And the Colonel wanted me to keep him out of trouble.

  ‘Well,’ I said,
‘I could come with you. You might be interested in what I was doing today.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  I didn’t know what I was getting into when I said, ‘A friend of mine was arrested for murder. I was trying to help him.’

  ‘What, whoa, whoa,’ he said, turning his whole body toward me. ‘Tell me more. In fact, tell me all about it.’

  I told him just enough. But it wasn’t enough.

  Not nearly.

  After dinner the crew piled into a limo and headed for the Stardust. Since it didn’t matter to me if they got into trouble I didn’t send Jerry with them. Red hesitated, wanting to go back to the hotel with Elvis, who convinced him otherwise. Finally, the big guy got into the limo with the others.

  ‘Hey, Jerry,’ Elvis said, ‘would you do me a big favor?’

  ‘Whatever you want, Mr Presley.’

  ‘Oh, hey, na, na, na, none of that “Mr” stuff. You call me Elvis.’

  ‘OK …’ Jerry said, but I knew that would never happen.

  ‘Would you take Miss Margret back to her hotel in that big Caddy of yours?’

  ‘Um, the Caddy is Mr G.’s, but sure … if he says it’s OK.’

  Ann-Margret was standing off to one side, arms folded, looking beautiful in a simple blue sweater and brown skirt. Her red hair hung almost to her shoulders in soft waves. I noticed something I’d never seen on the big screen. She had freckles.

  ‘Sure, Jerry,’ I said. ‘Take Miss Margret back to her hotel, and then go on back to the Sands.’

  ‘What are you gonna do, Mr G.?’ Jerry asked.

  I looked at Elvis and said, ‘I guess I’m going back to Elvis’ hotel to watch some TV.’

  THIRTY-TWO

  Elvis wanted the whole story.

  ‘This is a real life murder case,’ he said, when we got back to his room, ‘with a private eye and everything. I wanna hear it all.’

  ‘Well …’ I said.

  ‘I’m gonna order some more dessert from room service,’ he said. ‘You want somethin’?’

  ‘Coffee,’ I said, ‘lots and lots of coffee.’

  ‘Comin’ up …’

  He ordered several pots of coffee, brownies, banana pudding, ice cream – chocolate and vanilla – with shredded coconut and other toppings. From the bar he got a six pack of Pepsi.

  We sat on the sofa with this repast spread out before us and I said, ‘Are we gonna watch TV?’

  ‘After you tell me the story of this murder,’ he said. ‘The whole story.’

  ‘Well, Elvis,’ I said, ‘I don’t know that I have the right to tell you all—’

  ‘Eddie,’ he said, ‘I may be a country boy from Tupelo, but I ain’t stupid.’

  ‘I never thought you were.’

  ‘Then don’t you think I know why the Colonel wants you around me? To see that I don’t get into trouble with my boys?’

  ‘Uh …’

  ‘To see that I don’t give a butt load of money to some phoney preacher guy?’

  ‘Well …’

  ‘To see that I don’t get into trouble any one of a dozen other ways I can find here in Sin City?’

  ‘What are we doin’ here, Elvis?’

  He spread his hands out over the food on the coffee table and said, ‘We’re just two guys havin’ dessert and talkin’ about the events of the day.’

  ‘Events of the day?’

  ‘Yeah,’ he said, picking up a brownie. ‘Why don’t we start with murder?’

  I leaned forward, poured myself a cup of coffee, picked up a brownie and said, ‘So, there’s this guy named Reynolds …’

  Elvis’ attention – except for an occasional bite of brownie or spoon full of banana pudding – was absolute. I did keep some things back, things that were Danny and Penny’s business only, and certain things about what Jerry actually did for a living. And the parts about my past dealings with Detective Hargrove. I mean, he didn’t need to know everything.

  When I was done he leaned back and said, ‘Wow. This is better than a movie. And it’s sure a dang sight better than any of my movies.’

  ‘Some of your movies are pretty good,’ I offered, but he ignored me.

  ‘So what are you gonna do next?’

  ‘Right now it’s up to Danny and his lawyer,’ I explained.

  ‘You ain’t gonna keep workin’ the case?’ he asked, eyes wide with surprise. Or maybe he was just disappointed in me.

  ‘Elvis,’ I said, ‘I’m not a detective. I did what I could, but the rest is up to them.’

  ‘But the gal came to you for help,’ he said. ‘And so did your buddy. And when your buddy’s in trouble you got to do somethin’ about it.’

  Oh great, I thought, he thinks this is The Maltese Falcon.

  ‘Elvis,’ I said, ‘I’m ready and willing to give Danny any help he needs. We’ve been friends for a long time. But he’s the detective, and he has a lawyer. They’re the professionals, not me.’

  He popped a Pepsi can open, drained half of it and put it down on the table. He seemed to be thinking hard about something before he spoke again.

  ‘Well, OK,’ he said. ‘How about watching one of those westerns?’

  ‘Sure,’ I said, ‘right now I’ve got nothing better to do.’

  In the morning I was going to have to call the Colonel – and probably Frank – and tell them that Elvis had scoped me out. Elvis was right, his good ol’ boy surface did make people underestimate him.

  ‘Let’s get some popcorn,’ he said, grabbing the phone and dialing room service. ‘You like butter? I really like it with butter.’

  ‘Sure, butter’s fine.’

  Jesus, I thought, I’m going to need Jerry’s constitution just to keep up with him.

  THIRTY-THREE

  I watched two movies with Elvis and we didn’t talk about the murder case again. He seemed to have forgotten about the whole thing, but I wasn’t going to underestimate him again.

  ‘I got to get some shut eye,’ he said, after the second movie. ‘There’s a rehearsal in the morning, and a thing to do with Ann for the movie in the afternoon. You wanna come to one of those?’

  ‘You know the Colonel sent me to watch you and you still want me around?’ I asked.

  ‘Well, sure, Eddie,’ he said, slapping me on the shoulder. ‘Dang, boy, I like you!’

  ‘Well then … yeah, I’d like to do the afternoon thing with you and Ann-Margret.’

  ‘OK, then.’ He walked me to the door. ‘Meet me here at one and we’ll go together.’

  ‘What about the others?’

  ‘Well, maybe Red,’ he said. ‘And, oh yeah, bring Jerry. I like that big guy, too. Sure would like to spar with him.’

  ‘We can probably arrange that.’

  ‘Good, good,’ he said, opening the door ‘Then I’ll see you at one. ‘night, Eddie.’

  ‘Good night, Elvis.’

  He closed the door, leaving me standing in the hall, wondering if I’d done the right thing in telling him about the murder.

  But then I figured, what harm could it have done?

  When I got back to the Sands I called Jerry’s room. It was late everywhere but Vegas, and I figured he’d be up. I was right. He was awake, and he wanted to talk.

  ‘Want me to come up?’ I asked.

  ‘Naw, let’s meet in the coffee shop—’

  ‘I can’t eat another thing, Jerry,’ I said. ‘Meet me in the bar and we’ll have a drink.’

  ‘OK, Mr G.’

  I was sitting at the bar in the Silver Queen Lounge when Jerry appeared. I had two beers waiting. He picked one up and gulped half. To him it was a sip, but to me it was a gulp.

  ‘I gotta tell ya, Mr G., that Ann-Margret,’ he said, excitedly, ‘she’s as sexy as Marilyn when you spend time with her that close up. When she gets a little older she’s gonna be dangerous!’

  ‘I can’t disagree with you there,’ I said.

  ‘How’d it go with you and Mr Presley?’

  ‘We ate, watched TV, and
talked.’

  ‘Talked about what?’

  ‘Murder.’

  ‘You told him about it?’ he asked. ‘How much?’

  ‘Most of it.’

  ‘What’d he say?’

  ‘He was interested, excited, but he seemed to think it was my duty to solve the thing. I mean, he gave me that Maltese Falcon speech.’

  ‘I like that movie,’ he said. ‘You mean that speech Sam Spade gives about doin’ something about your partner gettin’ killed?’

  ‘That’s the one.’

  ‘Well, the dick ain’t dead and he ain’t your partner, but I guess I could see why he’d think that. You guys been friends a long time.’

  ‘Yeah, we have,’ I said, ‘but like I told Elvis, I’m not a detective, Jerry.’

  ‘You got all the earmarks of a good private dick, Mr G.’

  ‘Thanks, Jerry, but I have a job. As long as Danny’s on the street, he and his lawyer can work on the murder.’

  ‘Suit yerself, Mr G.,’ he said. ‘What are we doin’ tomorrow?’

  ‘Elvis has got a publicity thing in the afternoon. He invited us along.’

  ‘With Miss Margret?’

  ‘She’ll be there.’

  ‘Good.’

  At that moment Frank walked into the room, looked around, spotted us and headed over. Jerry saw where I was looking and turned his head.

  ‘Oh, I meant to tell you,’ he said, ‘Mr S. was lookin’ for ya, wanted me to call ’im as soon as I hears from you.’

  ‘So you told him we were meeting here?’

  He looked at me like he was a puppy and I had a rolled-up newspaper in my hand.

  ‘Was that OK?’

  ‘It was fine, Jerry,’ I said. ‘Just fine.’

  THIRTY-FOUR

  Frank was wearing a suit, nothing fancy, just a grey suit with a blue tie. Not something he’d wear on stage or out to dinner. He smiled broadly as he approached, and spread his arms out.

  ‘Well, here’s my boys,’ he said, putting an arm around each of us. ‘What’ll you have? I’m buyin’.’

  We had another beer each and he ordered a Martini.

  ‘I heard Elvis got to town today,’ he said to me. ‘Everything all right?’

  ‘Everything’s fine, Frank,’ I said. ‘In fact, I just left him. He was going to bed.’